"Perfect Pursuit"

Or rather, the flaw in "perfect pursuit"...

This new phrase is new to some, so to the generation older than me by 5 years, that can't even understand the context to those words, "perfect pursuit". So ill sum it up very quickly.
It is where a man [not boy], MAN of GOD, pursues a woman of God. Fully, completely, as Christ pursues the church. As Boaz pursued Ruth (Ruth 2). As Isaac pursued Rebecca (Genesis 24). It is a fierce love that is captivated all young ladies across this, Rick Pino, Judah Smith and Heaven kissing earth generation. I know of hundreds of ladies, (myself included, years ago) who have made a "list". It includes hair, body type but is not limited to accent and music genre alone. It has every biblical attribute known to man. Covering the best singing voice, the most passionate heart and the loudest prayer, alike. It has any where from 32-102 of the most spiritual and sincere characteristics that any woman can conjure up. I actually know girls who have taken months and years to perfect this list. It now hangs from a mirror that they look at and pray over everyday. Patiently waiting for him, Mr. Perfect Pursuit, to come along, and make their God fairy tale a reality.

AND I LOVE IT!!!

Let me just say that I love the standard of Holiness that these girls have, the desire to seek Him first and alone. To be fully whole in Christ BEFORE ever letting any man have their attention, heart and body. It is beautiful and it is real and it should be celebrated. There are some girls who have wished their past looked differently and so they too have chosen this ride. And I AM SO PROUD!!!

But I MUST, along this road send out the most heart felt and most alarming warning to you, darling, if this post so far has made you wonder if I met with your small group leader earlier this week.

And As a kind reminder, I will say, I am just like you. I have been there and done that; and THIS is what the Lord has taught me through it...

The "perfect pursuit: is a hoax, as far as it is concerning a MAN pursuing a WOMAN. There is NOT a man who will know what you are thinking every time you cry, there is not a man who is going to be outside of your hardest class of the semester with a dozen roses every day. There is not a man that whenever you chip your nail is going to pull a gift card to a mani/pedi out of his back pocket, drop you off at the salon, pick you up with a PSL, and drive you home so you can take a shower and put on the perfectly fitting dress that he picked up for you, with perfectly matching jewelry too.

DONT STOP READING!! AND IF YOU ARE MAD AT ME OR CRYING, THIS IS FOR YOU!


There IS a man that will do those things, he will try his hardest and he will give 100% ALOT of days. BUT he will be HUMAN, he will have struggles and low days. He will get a head ache sometimes and not want to come over to cook that night. He isn't perfect. Because he was never meant to be.

Wanting a guy to pray over you and your relationship is vital. wanting a guy who loves his momma more than he can express is impressive. And wanting a man who puts Christ before you is absolutely, with out a doubt, the most important thing.

But sweetheart, you have done all the amazing men of God out there a complete disservice. Avoiding eye contact and not responding to txt messages. Refusing to accept a tea cup that he saw so picked up for you.

Young lady, you are making it impossible to see the gems that are walking you to class, or remembering to ask about your dads knee surgery. Not every guy is the right one for you and yes you should be picky!!! What I want to let you know is, YOU won't always be the perfect wife and mother, You wont always be the perfect girlfriend for that matter. There will be days that you will be selfish and unconsolable. SO why have we made any man that shows interest go through Dante's Inferno to take us to coffee?

Yes, there could be heart ache, and yes you may miss it a time or 2 or 7. But when you desire to honor the Lord, you will see that it isn't as scary as your friends made it seem.

Im not here to be Debby Downer.

Quite the opposite really.

Im here to point you to TRUE love that is real and authentic. One that should never be replaced by man. Once it is grasped, you can her completely confident in it and no longer EXPECT "perfect". It only existed once and that was on a tree.

Because of Christ love and grace, we don't have to be perfect and neither will our spouse have to be. GRACE covers it, grace makes a way. If you are looking at Jesus, those flaws in that guy will show up, but you will love with grace.

The root of the problem is looking at "self". You don't deserve it, you don't HAVE to have it, he wasn't designed for you and neither were you for him. You both were designed by a loving creator to point to Him and Him alone, for His glory. So lets stop making ourself our own gods and remember that He is never going to led us astray. Stop living in fear that you will miss it. Have you yet?? No. Thats because He has been with you the whole way. He has you sweetheart, calm down.


Romans 8:38-39


*Please comment and ask questions, I would love to clear up any concerns with my ever so bold post, to some*

What I have learned in love

What I have learned in love.

That flowers make me smile and Dark Chocolate is the ultimate tool for forgiveness. Ive seen lots of good times and failures in my own flawed selfishness. I have leaned on a strong shoulder and I have been disappointed at times. I have looked at the man that I love and seen the best and worst, and in their own embarrassing moments, he has seen a true reflection of my full on weaknesses and insecurities. I have learned during this short year + some, that when I am most full of love and grace and security, actually has very little to do with the love, care and concern that my boyfriend can show me. While he does so well at it, what I have actually learned this last year is that the love of the Lord has surpassed my deepest desires to be loved by a man, and thank God that He is teaching me more about it. 

I think the greatest joys in my life have occurred with Cody Warren Causey, the love of my life and the greatest man that I have ever known. He treats me like my dad does my mom. He can get on my nerves in the most insanely reflective way as my younger (and amazing) brother and he has the wisdom that my older brother has shared with me during some dark moments in my life, one of the most heart throbbing moments with this sweet dream of a man of mine is when he prays.. it touches the heart of God just the way my moms does. Cody has been such a blessing in my life. and even in that I have looked at him some days when he is dropping me off at my house I have to remind my selfish and rude lil self that I CHOOSE to love this man, even though I feel like screaming at his never lacking, handsome face. 

Those incredibly cloud like, fantasy days and the few ones that show me the difficulties of this self sacrificing love has brought me closer to the feet of the cross than I ever knew was possible. 

Because as kind or trying as I can be or Cody can give. We are BOTH flawed. Extremely and fully, completely and embarrassingly. Even on the days that we give 100% and love out of the fullest part of our heart we lack, but I have seen so clearly that the love of Christ has overwhelmed that hole in our life.

With my best and most effort I am a disappointment and a failure, but God.... Wow, He sent a grace that makes me clean, a violent pursuit of my heart and a delight in my life that is unlike anything this world can offer me. I have felt the love of Christ, in a new way. And my love for Him has grown into an unparalleled love to any human pursuit.

I have learned over the last year to let the Lord fill my heart, to pursue Christ FULLY. That in my desire to be like Christ, I can't desire my other relationships more. There isn't room, I can't lean on Cody for my happiness or joy. I have learned that no matter what good days or bad that come with a boyfriend, the only one who can supply my heart, emotions and thoughts is the creator of my soul and the one that I let my heart entertain. So I must allow Christ ALONE to be that piece.

I now know that no matter the cost or the work put into my relationship, when I put Christ first and let the savior of my heart fill all my desires that I can truly love Cody, that I can be filled. I won't have to take from him what I should have gotten from Him. I have learned as I walk out an earthly relationship in purity and with both of us pursuing Christ, that we will show others to the cross, which is my greatest and only desire on this earth.

What I really have learned in all of this is that no matter what, Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ. And that is the love that I have truly learned to desire.

Romans 8:31-39

Single or not really single.. Ladies, this is for you.

I know how it goes.

Were just friends.
Its not like that.
We haven't made anything official.
He hasn't even said he likes me or anything like that.

Ladies... (not that Im sure I have a large base of men who read my blog any way) this is for you.

I know the feeling of no commitment, "Safe Flirting". I heard these freeing words for the first time when I was 16 years old and they changed my life. FINALLY, it is ok for me to have more guy friends than girls, we get along better any way (... duh). Its ok to have my sushi guy friend, my movie guy friend, and my random texting guy friendS and well pretty much doesn't matter what, because we are FRIENDS. Nothing more, not with benefits just the regular kind.

Before I go too far into this blog, I am not here to tackle the issues of dating or commitment to a specific relationship. Who I am looking for is the girl like I have been so many times in and right out of high school. Who pretends she is single, but in reality has more emotional crutches sustaining her need for attention and approval, all in a desperate and LOTS of times unconscious need for love.

See I have done "single" several ways in my life. The kind like the few paragraphs up where I had tons of guy friends but no commitments and then I have done,

S.I.N.G.L.E. the real kind.

Heres how that goes... No texts at the end of the day, lots of girl friends (if you want to have a friend, thats your only option). Paying for every meal. Dinner alone, in public,with sweet old ladies starring with sadness in their eyes "Bless her Heart"s resounding in the whispers all around. Movies alone. Pumping your own gas late at night watching all the dark corners, just to be sure you could get a straight on mental picture if the boogie man ran after you. The kind of single that I am talking about is void of emotional love bucket fills. Its lonely nights.

What has always bothered me about being "fake single" is that it's a poor woman's excuse to get pity. As if she is unwanted or lesser than her peers, who are dating or "basically married"... Until you are alone, with you and God and you have had the real dirty conversations with Him. That sounds more like a screaming monologue. Wondering where He may be as well has the he, that should have shown up long ago. Questioning if single hood is the doom poured out on you for the mistakes and sins of the past. Asking those closest to you to, "Be honest, I don't care if you hurt my feelings. What am I doing wrong." If you haven't been THERE, then you are absolutely missing out on maybe one of the hardest, most frustrating and possibly sweetest moments of life.

Yes, the sweetest.

You see, that girl right there. She is experiencing Christ. She is holding fast to the truth of a loving Father that will never leave her. A friend that sticks closer than family. And a lover that her soul will never match. She is seeking and only able to find JESUS.

I remember those days, crying out to the Lord wondering if His promises are true. Did I make it up? Do I even know your voice?? But I have never been forgotten and He has never forsaken me. It was in those days and weeks and months and I know of years for sweet friends of mine, that Jesus has shown up. He has spoken the sweetest love songs to my heart. He walked me through trials and rejection. He held my hand and rejoiced with me on the top of insecurity and self doubt. He became enough. All that I needed and all that I wanted.

How could I ever trade that. That journey of single-ness for anything.

So instead of being "fake single" try doing it the real way. Kill the flesh and seek Jesus, alone. With out the emotional crutches that make you feel pretty or pay for dinner. And if you aren't ready for that, stop saying you're single. You aren't. Not in your heart, and thats the only place that really matters anyway.






My right now favorite passage.
Romans 8:31-39

I < > I

just so you know

Fasting is hard.. like in a lot of ways.
mostly bc you are hungry or wanting of something that you can't have (by choice, of course).

See, when a person is fasting they say no, on purpose to clear out the wanted clutter of ones life and run to the clarity that seems to all of the sudden be abounding in front of them.

For me, it's so hard, because of how endlessly frustrating it is that I want something so badly. not that I can't have it. that I want it.. so much.

How can, I. a person who so quickly can tell you all of my dreams and goals and priorities of life, that point straight to Jesus, but still pick everything else, everyday, over Him. over His sacrifice. over such love. I am reminded each time I fast how selfish I can really be. especially this go around.

I am so selfish, it is crazy embarrassing and very frustrating. I wish that I were more like Christ than I am but I am so busy with me. and I have spent the great majority of this fast telling the Lord that I am not. not that He has to argue back, but He hasn't been very quiet on the subject, none the less.

Since the start of this fast, I was pretty sure carbonation, sweets and social media were just by products of a regular routine of life and they were simply just normal. false. as I have willingly walked past delicious chocolate chip cookies and deleted the apps on my phone that consume my time, I have seen how much I make everything about me. I have cried. I have had a bad attitude. I have been rude and unwilling to compromise. I have been every bit of me. selfish. self centered and prideful. and I am mad about it. I am mad that I was wrong about my priorities. not that those things are taken from me now, but that it took removing them from my life to realize all of these terribly exhausting discoveries of myself.

I like myself. my comforts and my life. I do things to ensure my future and friends, to keep life safe and

I HATE THAT.

I hate that I don't see people the way Christ does, that I get in the way and I put me first. but I promise you this. I won't stay like that.

I am making a willing and I'm sure at times, frustrating commitment to love others more than I love stuff, and to SHOW them, not just say it but live it. I want my genuine love for others to be evident. Now I need to make sure that it is genuine.

I desire my first, only and passionate love to be Christ. Nothing to even compare to my desire for Him and for His pursuit of my heart. I want to stop saying I. I. AM. EXHAUSTING. to myself and others. Thank the Lord that He shows the weaknesses within ourself so we don't have to stay the same.

So today, is a day that I will pursue grace, and patience and Christ like never before. No longer looking to things or people. But bypassing everything else to love more of Jesus. and to look more like Him.